Starving for Love
Coming up on the Men at the Movies podcast, we enter into the tragic story of Napoleon. In him, we see a man who is competent in the realm of battle, and incompetent in the realm of love. What fails in the relationship with Josephine, and how can we find true attachment and keep the battle out of the bedroom? Join us as we discover God’s truth in this movie.
The Quotes
I see a boy in a man’s world longing for a mom.
Our desires to be seen, safe, soothed, and secure are valid, and meant to be met in attachment to God.
Women are often required to manipulate the power of uninitiated men in order to see that something good comes out, or to see that their own needs are met.
He’s not looking for love as much as he’s looking to fill a need.
Napoleon is so competent in the battle that he takes the same approach to the bedroom.
Men underestimate the power they have to control the atmosphere of the home.
The goal is not to be right, the goal is to understand.
Themes
Napoleon is an uninitiated man, a man who has failed to become
Competent in War-uses the battle to prove that he is a good man, “I’m destined for greatness, but those in power only see me as their sword.” His ability is used and manipulated by others because of his insecurity and lack of initiation.
Incompetent in Love-takes his question of “Am I a man?” to his mother, and then to Josephine. Sex was less about lovemaking, but more about consuming and child-making.
He is a static figure, which is tragic
He is a consumer—approaches all relationships as “what can I get out of you?”
Josephine’s struggle for power and survival
Uses her beauty to get power to serve her
Appears to offer vulnerability what actually taking the power
Attachment is key to maturity
What’s behind the immaturity? What is he searching for?
Being seen, safe, soothed, and secure
Resources
More about Morgan: website, Becoming a King book, Become Good Soil podcast
Scarpa’s quote: “Napoleon is competent in battle, incompetent in the realm of love.”
Dr. Siegel’s attachment theory
“A farmer went out to plant some seeds. As he scattered them across his field, some seeds fell on a footpath, and the birds came and ate them. Other seeds fell on shallow soil with underlying rock. The seeds sprouted quickly because the soil was shallow. But the plants soon wilted under the hot sun, and since they didn’t have deep roots, they died. Other seeds fell among thorns that grew up and choked out the tender plants. Still other seeds fell on fertile soil, and they produced a crop that was thirty, sixty, and even a hundred times as much as had been planted! Anyone with ears to hear should listen and understand…The seed that fell on the footpath represents those who hear the message about the Kingdom and don’t understand it. Then the evil one comes and snatches away the seed that was planted in their hearts. The seed on the rocky soil represents those who hear the message and immediately receive it with joy. But since they don’t have deep roots, they don’t last long. They fall away as soon as they have problems or are persecuted for believing God’s word. The seed that fell among the thorns represents those who hear God’s word, but all too quickly the message is crowded out by the worries of this life and the lure of wealth, so no fruit is produced. The seed that fell on good soil represents those who truly hear and understand God’s word and produce a harvest of thirty, sixty, or even a hundred times as much as had been planted!” - Matthew 13: 3-9, 19-23 (NLT)
Questions
What is the difference between immature and uninitiated?
Where do you feel competent? Confident? Strong?
What areas do you feel incompetent? Or lacking? Or immature?
How to you take the tactics you use where you are confident into the arenas where you feel incompetent? How does that work/not work for you?
Where do you go to feel safe? Secure? Soothed? Seen?
What is the prize for being a man?
Where do you feel like you’re starving? What would satiate that?
Where in your life is God patiently waiting, but you’re moving to fast or your life is too loud to hear him?
Where is your marriage treated more like a battle or a power struggle?
How do you control the atmosphere in your home?
What is your natural response to shame: getting big or getting small?
How do you operate as a consumer?
When crisis and conflict strike, what age do you feel?
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Edited and mixed by Grayson Foster
Logo and episode templates by Ian Johnston
Audio quotes performed by Britt Mooney, Paul McDonald, and Tim Willard, taken from Epic (written by John Eldredge) and Song of Albion (written by Stephen Lawhead).
Southerly Change performed by Zane Dickinson, used under license from Shutterstock.
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