The Holiday with Paul McDonald and Britt Mooney
Paul McDonald and Britt Mooney dive into the romantic comedy The Holiday (2006) starring Jude Law, Cameron Diaz, Kate Winslet, and Jack Black. They try to uncover the mysteries of the feminine heart. If, as St Irenaeus sort of says, the glory of God is woman fully alive, how can we avoid a toxic masculinity and create a safe environment for her to become whole hearted?
Join us as we discuss God’s truth in this movie!
Quotes
Leadership is about helping the other person become who they were created to be.
We have wives, and daughters, and we want to look at this movie to understand them better.
The glory of God is a woman fully alive (based on Irenaeus).
We’ve all had a Jasper—someone who is manipulative, narcissistic, and who makes us jump when they snap their fingers.
Iris was trying to find her security in a man she couldn’t have.
Generally speaking, women long for security.
There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket – safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell. – C.S. Lewis
Love is not knowing the end of the story.
The feminine heart asks, “Am I lovely? Will you pursue me? Will you delight in me? Am I worth fighting for?” - Stasi Eldredge
At their core, neither Amanda nor Iris believe they are worth it.
A change of scenery is important for women. Sometimes they just need to get away.
Sometimes the hardest thing to do is receive love without fear.
Women want adventure, they just don’t want to do it alone.
We use busyness to avoid dealing with pain.
Women don’t just want to be seen, but seen anew. To be discovered.
Nothing happens when I get home from work until I sit down with my wife, look her in the eyes, and ask her to tell me about her day.
Truth can be brutal, but we need to hear it.
Truth calls people up, it doesn’t put them down.
Iris becomes fully alive by helping the other person from the joy of the relationship.
Themes
The Holiday reveals something about the feminine heart.
At the beginning of the movie, Iris and Amanda are broken, and are not fully alive.
Contrast of two women: Amanda is validated and driven by her work, and uses work to keep people far from her heart. Amanda locks her heart away. Iris is all about love, she loves someone who doesn’t love her back. She is desperate and aching and lonely. She will do anything for love. She doesn’t believe she is worth it. Neither way works.
Jasper is a picture of toxic masculinity—it’s about what Iris can give to him.
Security comes within the relationship, not the external situations.
It takes a shattering event to break down the protective structures around our hearts and invite us into a greater healing of our hearts.
Amanda wants to get away to a fairy tale, become a princess.
Wanting the fairy tale isn’t enough. You have to receive it when it arrives.
We often write the ending before a relationship even starts, and it takes someone brave to see through our pre-written scripts.
Wisdom can be found in relationships with wiser, older people who we trust.
Discipling is about finding ways to speak to their heart, calling them to become who they are called to be. When we invest in others, they lift us up into a higher calling as well.
Amanda rejects him before she can be rejected, and that’s her pattern. But Graham continues to invite her into his world. God does not smother us, but invites us.
You see their character by the relationships with others.
It’s easy to move toward the bad boys or the Mr. Rogers types, but that won’t last.
We have to come to these decisions on our own, without pressure from the other.
We need to teach our daughters who they are, their worth and their value, so they can become the leading ladies in their lives.
Resources
Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul by John and Stasi Eldredge
Questions
How do we help our wives (or daughters, or other women in our lives) feel seen? Secure in the relationship?
How do you send the message that you see “her” (whoever that might be in your life)? Delight in “her?” Pursue “her” heart?
When was the last time your wife got away? With and/or without you?
How do you invite “her” into adventure?
What would it look like to love your wife (or daughter) in an abundant way?
How does “she” feel like a leading lady?
How do you treat people who can’t do anything for you? Parents? Children?
How often do you write the ending before the beginning?
How can you offer something extravagant (not necessarily financially, but maybe with time you don’t think you have)?