Parenthood with Paul McDonald and Britt Mooney
This week on the Men at the Movies podcast, we ride the roller coaster of Parenthood starring Steve Martin, Mary Steenburgen, and Dianne Wiest. We put too much pressure on ourselves as parents, feeling like we have to be perfect so that we don’t break our children and ruin their lives. Even though life is messy, it is in the messes that we find the most meaning. Like Proverbs 14:4 says, you won’t get a bountiful harvest without a barn full of crap. Even if you feel like your whole life is have to, I have good news for you. It doesn’t have to be. Join me as we discover God’s truth in this movie.
Quotes
Every parent has made mistakes raising their kids.
What happens to our children, that we wish didn’t happen, actually creates who they are supposed to be.
God’s perfect plan was to spread creative order over the world through family.
Family expands, there’s always more room.
If you want safe, you won’t get the joy.
You might feel like your whole life is “have to.” But it doesn’t have to be.
No movie is patterned after a merry-go-round.
You won’t get a bountiful harvest with a clean barn.
Themes
We put pressure on ourselves as parents to do it perfect. We think if we get it right, our kids won’t be messed up. So when our children do have problems, we blame ourselves.
“Have to” vs “Get to”
Life is messy, like a roller coaster.
It’s through the messes that we find meaning.
Knowing it will be messy means that it’s not our fault when it is.
We can try to force life back to the merry go round (which it won’t), or we can sit back and enjoy the ride.
Religion tries to put you on a merry-go-round (and call it a roller coaster). It tries to make life safe and clean.
Walking with God is riding on a roller coaster. Scary, messy, thrilling, exciting, heart-racing. But unexpected, and it doesn’t feel safe.
You won’t get a bountiful harvest with a clean barn.
What makes the harvest meaningful is the pain you go through to get there.
Resources
“I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn over what is going to happen to me, but the world will rejoice. You will grieve, but your grief will suddenly turn to wonderful joy. 21 It will be like a woman suffering the pains of labor. When her child is born, her anguish gives way to joy because she has brought a new baby into the world.” - John 16:20-21 (NLT)
“Where there are no oxen, the manger is clean, but abundant crops come by the strength of the ox.” - Proverbs 14:4 (ESV)
“I rejoiced with those who said to me, “Let us go to the house of the Lord.” - Psalm 122:1 (NIV)
“We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps.” - Proverbs 16:9 (NLT)
Questions
What regrets do you have as a father? Can you see how God might use what you regret to shape your child?
Do you believe God loves your children/your wife/you more than you do? How does that change your approach to these relationships?
Where do you feel like your whole life is “have to?”
How can you change your “have to” into a “get to?”
What would it be like to change the way you look at your kid from perfect angels that you broke into broken kids that you helped guide to maturity?
How has your interactions with your father shaped the way you father your children?
What’s more important-a clean barn or a bountiful harvest?
What does a bountiful harvest look like?