How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days with Paul McDonald and Britt Mooney
This week on the MATM podcast, we kick off two weeks of rom-coms to celebrate Valentine’s day with How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days starring Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey. We discuss how lust is like chocolate and love is like diamonds. This movies shows how the games we play prevent us from getting the connection that we most long for. In times of conflict, it’s easy to bail, but love is forged by sticking it out when others would leave. Don’t forget to water the love fern, and lets discover God’s truth in this movie.
Quotes
They stuck it out when all others would have left.
What we really want is connection, but to get there we have to be exposed and vulnerable. We have to stick it out through the difficult times.
Conflicts are an opportunity to grow closer.
The games we play prevent us from getting what we really want.
Themes
The struggle with wanting to have a relationship with a woman while the sacred spaces get turned upside down.
Difference between lust/chocolate and love/diamond. Lust: sweet in the beginning, doesn’t last, melts in the heat, gets consumed. Love: formed through pressure, heat, and time; beautiful; lasting; non-consumable.
We don’t stick it out because it’s fun, but because we are committed. And that’s when we start loving the other person. People bail when it gets difficult because that’s what our culture teaches us.
We play games for two reasons: we think they will get us what we want, or to hide.
They had to process the truth that they were playing games. The other truth they had to admit was that they loved each other in spite of (and because of) the games.
In conflict the tendency is to believe the lies and bail, when what we need to do is remind ourselves of what is true.
Resources
Greenlights by Matthew McConaughey
“Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. There are many things below it, but there are also things above it. You cannot make it the basis of a whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling. Now no feeling can be relied on to last in its full intensity, or even to last at all. Knowledge can last, principles can last, habits can last but feelings come and go. And in fact, whatever people say, the state called ‘being in love’ usually does not last. If the old fairy-tale ending ‘They lived happily ever after’ is taken to mean ‘They felt for the next fifty years exactly as they felt the day before they were married,’ then it says what probably never was nor ever would be true, and would be highly undesirable if it were. Who could bear to live in that excitement for even five years? What would become of your work, your appetite, your sleep, your friendships? But, of course, ceasing to be ‘in love’ need not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense — love as distinct from ‘being in love’ — is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by (in Christian marriages) the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God. They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other; as you love yourself even when you do not like yourself. They can retain this love even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be ‘in love’ with someone else. ‘Being in love’ first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. it is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it.” - C.S. Lewis
“We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us. So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters.” - 1 John 3:16 (NLT)
“In each of my friends there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out. By myself I am not large enough to call the whole man into activity; I want other lights than my own to show all his facets... Hence true Friendship is the least jealous of loves. Two friends delight to be joined by a third, and three by a fourth, if only the newcomer is qualified to become a real friend. They can then say, as the blessed souls say in Dante, "Here comes one who will augment our loves." For in this love "to divide is not to take away.” - C.S. Lewis
Questions
What was your best/worst Valentine’s Day?
Do you have any traditions with your partner?
How is lust like chocolate? How is love like a diamond?
What is the benefit of sticking it out when others would leave?
How have you stuck it out in your current relationship?
What behaviors caused the ending of previous relationships?
What lies do you believe that has caused you to hide your heart?
What truth can you come back to in moments of conflict?