Week 3: Expectancy

Our lives are full of this expectation gap. What we hope for doesn’t arrive, or it did and disappointed us.

Welcome to the third week of Advent.  We began this season looking at the time of waiting and silence.  In order to get through that time of darkness and preparation, we must anchor our hope in the promises of God.  But what happens when what we hope for doesn’t appear? Or when it looks completely different from our expectations.

I heard loneliness described as the gap between what we expect our relationships to look like compared to the reality of those relationships. I used to think feeling lonely was sort of a sin, something I shouldn’t feel.  But when explained in this way, I realized Jesus felt lonely. 

“Then (Jesus) returned to the disciples and found them asleep. He said to Peter, “Couldn’t you watch with me even one hour?” - Matthew 26:40 (NLT)

In his most agonizing moments, Jesus hoped his closest friends would stay awake and pray with him.  Peter, who just moments before had crowed his everlasting love and devotion-“Even if everyone else leaves, I will never desert you!”-was asleep.  Reality didn’t match his hope and the pain in his heart intensified. Can’t you hear the hurt and disappointment in Jesus voice? How would you respond if this happened to you?

Our lives are full of this expectation gap.  What we hoped for didn’t arrive (marriage, child, job, healing—you fill in the blank).  Or it arrived and disappointed us.

Stepping back into the Christmas story, imagine you are Joseph.  Newly engaged, your heart races as you plan the wedding feast.  Your cheeks hurt from the permanent smile as you anticipate a bright future with your bride.

And then, Mary says those four little words.  “We have to talk.”  She tells you this cockamamie story about being pregnant with God.  Tears spill down her cheeks as she promises her fidelity.  Your cheeks now burn with anger and embarrassment as you stride away in a stony silence.

As the initial shock subsides, your love for this woman insists on a respectful solution to send her away quietly.  While this was hardly what you expected, it’s the best you can do.  Letting out a sigh of relief and closure, you close your eyes for a night of peaceful slumber.

Enter the angel.  “Do not be afraid.  Mary is telling the truth.  She is pregnant with the Son of God.  Take her as your wife.”

Joseph expected a life of love and marriage, but his expectations were shattered by Mary’s announcement, and further broken by the message from the angel.  A respectable man, he now faces a life full of ridicule, doubts, and uncertainty. 

How many times did he wonder if the angelic dream really happened? 

How often did he work late to take out his frustration with a hammer and chisel?  

The external stimulus of snickers, eye rolls, and air quotes feeds his internal doubts.  The lies grow louder as the hurtful truth of, “He’s not MY son,” worms its way deeper into his heart.

This is not what he expected.

But in the big scheme of things, he turns out to be no more than a bit player.  As the human father figure for Jesus, it seems like we should have heard more about him.  But he sort of just...vanishes.

What ever happened to Joseph?

While scholars debate the reason for Joseph’s absence, I think his disappearance might be related to the baby in the story, an expectation gap Jesus had to endure.

“It’s what God had in mind all along, to crush him with pain.” – Isaiah 53:10 (MSG)

 Isaiah prophesied many things about the coming Messiah.  And although we associate this line from the fifty-third chapter to reference his work on the cross, what is more crushing than the loss of a father?

Maybe Jesus expected Joseph to help him through the rough spots, to support and encourage him to fulfill his destiny.  Maybe that day when twelve-year old Jesus stayed in the temple was when he realized Joseph wouldn’t be around forever, and he learned to depend on his Father in heaven.

Maybe that’s why there are so many instructions to take care of the fatherless and widow.  Because Jesus knew exactly what it felt like to lose a father unexpectedly, and saw the pain of loss on Mary’s face every day. 

Jesus was intimately aware of the expectation gap.  How many times were his hopes crushed in disappointment by his closest friends?  What better way to learn how to respond than learning to deal with the loss of his father, a godly and respectable man who was chosen by God to father his Son? Yet he walked with obedience and humility to God’s commands.

In his book The Root of Righteousness, A.W. Tozer said, “It is doubtful whether God can bless a man greatly until He has hurt him deeply.” I’ve also heard it said that God doesn’t use a man greatly until He has crushed him completely. 

Our biggest opportunity for this crushing is in this expectation gap.  Days where you look around wondering if you’re even going the right way.  Or maybe it’s at night, when the stress, anxiety, pain, and trauma come alive in nightmares that won’t let you sleep. 

Where does life look different from what you expected?

Where is the gap between your hopes and reality? 

Invite God to fill the gap, knowing that joy comes in the morning.

Prayer

“Father, I humble my heart and my desires before You. You know the pain of life, of loss, of living in the gap. Help me to walk in perseverance and humility with You. Show me where the pain has prepared my heart to receive your joy. Strengthen my hope in the middle of the labor. Restore my hope, knowing that joy comes in the morning.Hold me close. Comfort me in the gap. Give me confidence that you do not crush me needlessly, but you have a purpose. Draw me close, embrace me in this time of expectancy. Use my crushing to make me useful for You in the days ahead. You are Immanuel, God with us. God with me. Amen.”

Daily Reading

Sunday (12/12) - Matthew 1:18-25

Monday (12/13) - Isaiah 53: 1-12

Tuesday (12/14) - Luke 1:26-38

Wednesday (12/15) - Luke 1: 46-56

Thursday (12/16) - John 16:16-22

Friday (12/17) - Romans 8:18-24

Saturday (12/18) - Revelation 12:1-17

Songs for the Week

Pick a song to listen to each day to draw close to God.

Slow

Help From Heaven

Magnificat (Mary’s Song)

Movie to Watch

We recommend watching National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation to dive into the idea of the expectation gap. Clark Griswold had expectations for what a fun old-fashioned family Christmas should look like. And at every turn, the reality of his Christmas falls short of his expectation. What expectations did he have? How did reality fall short? How does he live in the gap? How should we?